Chocolate or death ?

New Year's Resolutions. Always hated them.

People giving up this and that just because the clock trips past 12 on 31st December.

Fags, booze, less weight, new skill, work harder, get out more blah blah.

My answer is the same every year. "I don't make resolutions". No point. I never mean it and therefore won't stick to it.

I think that's normal, by the way.

That, or all my friends and colleagues lack willpower.

In fact, I generally got a bit grumpy with people who said they would give up booze for January. It meant I had no one to go for a pint with. Selfish bastards.

I made it a mission to wave booze under their nose until they cracked. Go on, just the one.

I haven't made any resolutions as usual for 2012. No bold claims.

This year is bit different though. I have a proper target. A real goal.

I have no choice but to change my behaviour. Well, at least until 22nd April around 3pm when I cross the line.

It is now me who is denying myself pleasures.

Me putting my hand over my glass after just one drink, me turning down choccies and pudding, me having beer waved under my nose by grumpy non-resolutionists.

I have to. This is self-preservation.

If I don't do it, it will hurt more, or I won't even make it around. A proper incentive.

I have to finish for so many reasons - pride, achievement, letting people down.

Failure is not an option.

Maybe that's the trick of it.

Maybe I should set up a service next December which people sign up to if they want to give something for New Year. If they fail there is a punishment system.

Obviously the scale needs to reflect the level of failure of the resolution. Eating a biscuit whilst on a January diet perhaps just deserves a small punishment. Forced to watch Jeremy Kyle or go shopping at Ikea, for example.

Clearly at higher levels of failure the punishment gets more severe.

Flagrant drinking after announcing to the World on New Year's Eve that the glass in your hand was the very last drop you would touch forever and ever, clearly being amongst the worst.

Not sure how far to go - would probably need a disclaimer system and legal advice. But in principal I think it could work.

Or it would stop people making pointless resolutions.